Culture of eternal collision

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Young people no longer form relationships.

Shalajko: "This is the effect of the culture of eternal collision, eternal confrontation, hostility to each other"

Published: December 25

When we think about how people get together today, what they're looking for, it's a very negative impact on all kinds of dating sites. There people, alternatively of getting to know themselves, are guided by criteria specified as appearance, wealth of the wallet, good position - says Katarzyna Bear-Szałajko, journalist, co-author of the book "Infinitive", parent of six children and wife of actor Rafał Szłajko.

inPoliticy.pl: We have an expanding problem with fertility in Poland. There's quite a few talk about household promotion, about the request for household support. However, it is hard to advance anything if people halt even forming relationships. More and more young people live as singles. I myself am a man approaching the age of 30, I late analyzed my advanced school class and found that half are inactive bachelors and virgins, many don't even make a serious relationship, and it was an urban-rural school, so I fishy that in cities it could look even worse. What do you think this situation is?

Katarzyna Bear-Szałajko: Indeed, there is simply a large relational crisis and it is besides a strong basis for statistic on fertility that are today. This is simply a very large reason that we have the results we have in Poland.

This relation crisis has a broad background. It is due, among another things, to the fact that women present are well educated and, consequently, are leaving for large cities. According to statistics, there are 2 men per 3 women in large cities that are university centres. And the other is actual in the villages and smaller towns. There are men who have problem uncovering a wife. That's the problem. This may sound fun, but the tv program “The farmer is looking for his wife” did not come out of nowhere either. That's kind of the answer to the real problem.

When we think about how people get together today, what they're looking for, all kinds of dating sites like Tinder have a very negative impact. There people, alternatively of getting to know themselves, are guided by criteria specified as appearance, wealth of wallet, good job. We utilized to look for a different spouse. In the past, we've been looking for a man to trust on, individual to thin on, individual to start a household with. This is the foundation. Now these criteria have been reversed. Otherwise, we mate, and as a result, relationships become unstable, temporary. People keep looking, and at any point they just halt looking. And where in all this is the place to start a family, to enlarge it, to keep it and to keep it?

How large a problem is that young women are on average better educated than young men? Women don't want to associate with men who are little educated than themselves?

The war on the sexes we've been forced into is pointless. It does not truly service women or men. Of course, feminism in its essence at dawn is right due to the fact that we have electoral rights, freedom, we can work. We fight for equality all the time. We just got into this fight between women and men, and alternatively of looking for what's complementary, We inactive emphasize all that divides us. It is hard to build an agreement on this.

Women want to be very independent today, and they carry it on a "trash". They powerfully emphasize their right to a career, to equal earnings, to parities and to another feminist slogans. However, these banners deficiency the right to bear children. That's what feminists don't fight for and take sides with women who want to be mothers, wives. They're not curious in this sphere at all. They fight for freedom only in 1 way. There's a conflict of men's and women's interests. He doesn't make sense, due to the fact that a large part of women, possibly even the majority, want what lies in their biological nature. Today, however, this desire is heavy suppressed by the communicative of the "world". It disgusts motherhood and that a female can be a wife. The “cruel patriarchy” is constantly emphasized.

On the 1 hand, we have fenimism, but in its shadow on the side of men flourishes the “philosophy” of red pyllo, manosphere. We have an increase in the popularity of the subculture of incela, who are hostile to women, accusing them of all their failures. erstwhile you look at posts posted online by net users with specified views, it is hard to anticipate them to be able to start a average family. How are you looking at this?

This is simply a very hard subject. People live more and more in isolation. We all see things like loneliness or social isolation around us. And there are more, specified as low self-esteem, difficulty building relationships, deficiency of social skills. It's all in this subculture.

This is affected by the immense cultural pressures associated with success, a completely different - very narrow - knowing of manhood. This is reinforced by social media, where people compare, and this leads to polarization and simplification of reality.

This subculture of men itself is not only caused by the deficiency of a partner. This is simply a certain set of beliefs. This deficiency of partner is the consequence of a culture of eternal collision, eternal confrontation, hostility towards each other, deficiency of religion in each another and deficiency of feeling of being loved.

You mentioned social media. How do they affect relationships? In my opinion, the Instragram has a peculiarly negative impact, where the profiles of children of very wealthy people, for example, are frequently very popular, showing how their lives look like, building unrealistic financial patterns for many, pretending to have achieved it.

That's a large problem. Social media, of course, have their benefits. They can inspire, they can strengthen entrepreneurship in individuals, they can service as “villages” for people who do not have a supportive environment around them. But they besides have a black side. They may origin the ability to verify reality to be lost. Many people take what they see on Instagram uncritically and truly believe that real life is presented there.

This problem is peculiarly evident in young people who frequently start to live a “new life”. As a result, they lose religion in themselves, self-esteem. It is hard to meet the requirements that are presented on the network. If you build your image of the planet on the content posted on Instagram, you might get the impression that inAll of them drink matchmaking, fly drones over the Fiords, and inactive remainder in Bali. The grey life of a average individual seems simply depressing, and it actually consists mainly of everyday, average moments that seldom look like Instagram. This has a very large impact on young people's intellectual problems.

Young people, for which social media have always existed, have no tools to verify reality. They frequently neglect to submit the content of critical reasoning there, to keep their distance, and are unaware that it is only a part of reality that is subjected to filters, that is designed, actually directed and most importantly - others. We don't gotta have the same dreams, desires and the same script for life. This deficiency of verification mechanisms leads many to suffering. Hence so many intellectual problems, a plague of loneliness, depression and deep sadness.

It is evident that young people frequently effort to compensate for their deficiency of household with animals. Many of them treat them almost like children. Is that a substitute for intimacy?

I'm certain it is. I always protest the combination of parenting and having an animal. I like them very much, we besides have kittens and fish, but I would never call myself "a cat mom."

But people have instinct, a request to take care of individual or something. They want to sacrifice themselves for someone, and that's a substitute. It's a very sad thing to say that we truly request closeness, love, care for individual weaker, individual who needs us, feel needed. Animals frequently play that role.

But it's just a substitute. You can't compare it to having a baby. Above all, animal care is much simpler. It's kind of moving distant due to the fact that we know what parenting is like. It's a very deep bond, a deep feeling for life, but it's besides incriminating. Not everyone wants to carry it. Much little incriminating is taking care of the pet.

Poland was ranked 12th erstwhile it comes to spending on the popular website Onlyfans, where you can buy personalized erotic content. Poles allocated $87.3 million over the year. The data is alarming due to the fact that specified a advanced sum indicates that we have a very large group of people who not only watch pornography, but feel the request to pay for individual content. Rather, they are young people. Is this besides the consequence of the plague of loneliness?

Surely they are mostly young people. It's a large problem. It is besides worth noting that social platforms penetrate each other. There is no authoritative pornography on Instagram, but there are influencers who build their scope on it and invitation them to their profiles on Onlyfans, where it is already "wider" about them. Young people who look after their idols travel after them and with them their money travels.

This is simply a very sad phenomenon. It speaks of the great, deep loneliness of a young generation who seeks an illusion of relation in specified places and are willing to even pay for it. In addition, this deep pathology is normalized. It's not an utmost anymore. It's not embarrassing anymore. It's common, and numbers say themselves To myself.